I know better than to "resolve" anything for the new year. Past experience has demonstrated that New Year's Resolutions don't last very long beyond January.
Nevertheless, I do need and wish to hope about some things.
One hope would be to get closer to God in the coming year and not experience a sense of estrangement from him. Whether such a sense is real, or just in my head, regardless it would be nice to see such feelings change concretely.
I feel a persistent sense of failure regarding how I've lived my life for going on 57 years.
I wonder how that might change in 2023.
It would be great to be a more faithful Orthodox Christian next year.
There remain stubborn barriers to that. I need to attack those barriers.
It would be great if I see true faith in my children, whether they are Orthodox or not. True Christian faith God can work with in their lives. They can always be redrawn to Orthodoxy later, as they are still young, and God remains merciful. Beyond this, I am truly helpless to effect change in their lives, He will need to do that, because ultimately these are his kids before they are mine. He just loaned them to me for a while.
It would be great if my wife and I could have a great year together and deeper intimacy.
It would be desirable for parts to start falling in place for our "retirement" era years. I don't know if I will ever be able to truly "retire" or not. With the economy and the nation in poor straights, that's looking doubtful, and pair that with my mediocre secular career, it's dubious.
I would love to retire to a warmer climate someday. The question would be if my wife would be okay with such a scenario.
Building social relationships in a new place would be a challenge. Probably an unwelcome one at that.
I would like to see myself going to Confession more regularly, instead of to haphazard confessors that keep changing. Perhaps once a month at Saint Tikhon's Orthodox Church? I don't know. I've lost my current confessor at my home parish, as he's decided to take a Leave of Absence arising out of his own desires for retirement.
One avenue out of "The Wilderness" might be a renewed focus on writing and blogging. The only clear thing God ever said to me about my career is that "You will be a Writer." Nothing else clear at all in that regard, although I've had many "bright ideas" that I've failed to follow through with or that life has seemed to shoot down unceremoniously.
The Wilderness of Mediocrity and Lower Middle Class Income in Perpetuity. That seems to be my likely and continuing fate for now. Lord, Have Mercy!
Dreams of vacations in Florida, Puerto Rico, Hawaii or other tropical ports of call remain on seemingly permanent hold.
Highlights of the past year: My wife and I's trip to Nashville, The Benedictine Class and culminating Retreat of the ACNA's Resurrection Anglican Fellowship to the Antiochian Orthodox Benedictine Monastery of Saint Laurence and Our Lady, various movies and entertainments including Wakanda Forever, Avatar the Way of Water, Andor, LOTR's The Rings of Power, an improving relationship with my son, and a decent and hopefully improving relationship with my daughter. My son's summer job and new girlfriend, my daughter's continued success at work and school and her acceptance to a local university.
Lots of blessings better to focus on then drawbacks such as the Midterm Election, the continued corruption of our national and local governments, and the war between Russia and Ukraine.
A nice blessing was being restored to Reader duties at Saint Mark's and the occasional Reading at Rez, without communion there, of course. Gotta remain Eastern Orthodox.
Mixed feelings about life continue to abound. There seems to be no way around that except the intentional focus on Gratitude for true blessings.
A person who continually doubts is life a leaf tossed to and fro in the wind. Do not think that person will receive the blessings of God. Okay. Good reminder.
Time to whip up greater confidence and dispel annoying doubts.
Today, Friday December the 23rd is a day for reflection. This goal of reflection is being achieved while I sit here, writing and musing.
To obey is better than sacrifice and self-flagellation. When I fail to obey, I beat myself up in an annoyingly and unproductive manner. Be nice to stop that behavior and life pattern.
I hope The Lord blesses the Antiochian Archdiocese of America with His True choice of a Metropolitan and local Diocesan Bishop.
It has been strange to be without these two leaders at the same time, and it has been strange to see one our Priests depart our local parish.
All at the same time. We pray regularly in the Liturgy that The Lord Raise Up Laborers for The Harvest.
I pray in His Mercy that happens. Wish I could be one of them, but I seemingly need to remain a lay harvester. I still don't believe I'm fit to advance in Holy Orders, in spite of the dearth of leadership in Antioch right now. I'm too much of a mess, IMO.
I also continue to pray for the Anglican Church of North America. My wife's jurisdiction. Archbishop Foley Beach. Bishop Ray Sutton. Bishop Ken Ross. Bishop Bill Atwood. And all the Clergy, Laity and Monastics of that jurisdiction. Rod Dreher's work among the Anglicans with his Benedict Option and other books has been good and productive.
Hopefully we can begin laying good groundwork for productive Western Rite Conference at the bidding of Vicar Bishop John of Antioch. Hopefully the Saint Spalding Society can attend and many new Anglican churches can also be planted locally. May God's Kingdom Come and Advance everywhere.
May God Bless the Kenyan Orthodox Orphanage. May God Bless The Least of These Ministry. May God Bless His Vineyard everywhere!
All the churches in America seem to be in drastic decline. We sorely need a new Great Awakening sent by God to turn things around. But such a Great Awakening needs to be based on real truth and history this time around. All too often, our United States Great Awakenings have been based on a mixture of truth and error. In my opinion, the error eventually wins out and we lose the fruit of whatever awakening God has sent to us.
And by error I mean errors about God and His Faith. The Orthodox Christian Church uniquely has real answers for the rest of Christianity to learn from and follow. IMO the next best thing is "orthodox" Anglicanism, Roman Catholicism and Lutheranism, and then proceeding from there some Presbyterian bodies. But they all need to be purified from there errors through Orthodox Christianity.
Orthodox Christianity rightly understood and practiced really holds real answers.
Unfortunately the Light of Christ in Orthodoxy is somewhat obscured right now in this terrible Fratricidal War in Ukraine. I pray the war ends soon with a negotiated settlement. God is NOT glorified when Christians are killing fellow Christians.
Sometimes I focus too much on the war, and on the vicissitudes of my own nation's insanity.
I need to place my focus on Christ and His Church, and His coming infallible Kingdom, which our temporary nations always fall short of, seemingly now more than ever.
I do hope Russia wins the Ukraine / Russian war in the following manner: Keeping Crimea and the Donbass but allowing Ukraine to survive as a nation with at least the Port of Odessa so Ukraine can rebuild and prosper.
Ukraine is too heavily infiltrated by American woke culture at present, and that poses a civilizational threat to Russia and to what remains of Christendom. Ukraine has been infiltrated and duped. It is a terrible tragedy. Russia will not like the thought of giving up an historically Russian city like Odessa, but to obtain a just peace, she needs to do it. Ukraine won't prosper without a seaport. It's the least Russia can do in offering an Olive Branch. Russia can always build new cities. Let Odessa go.
Russia then needs to make a permanent peace and resolve no more wars of reconquest. Instead Russia can rebuild in her own space and fortify herself against the current madness of the West.
Rebuilding the Donbass and populating it with a virtuous and strong people is a good goal. Rebuilding "Mary's City" will be a good start. Mariupol can become the New Odessa.
I hope Russia obtains a better government sooner rather than later. Putin won't live forever. May God truly raise up Godly leadership and forms of government in Russia afterwards. It's time for Russia to put the Atheist Soviet Past and all the bitter consequences of it behind her forever, and that includes the culture of corruption and graft that rose to take it's place.
I hope that Russia will become a Godly Kingdom and Constitutional Monarchy, as opposed to an Empire. The concept of Empire has become sullied. Time to go in a new direction.
A Godly and Righteous Russia needs to arise, allowing the Kingdom of God to at least partially be manifest in her.
But God's will be done, and He has His own plans.
I don't know if the Second Advent is happening soon, and whether Jesus could bodily return to us and to Earth soon. It may indeed be that time. Partially because we're screwing up things so badly that He is going to need to intervene before we destroy ourselves.
Maranatha. Come Lord Jesus. Come among us now, and finally when The Father chooses.
Glory to Jesus Christ. Glory Forever!
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