The Pontificator Ends His Blog

The Pontificator, Fr. Al Kimmel, a former Episcopal priest who converted to the Roman Catholic Church and who inspired many to convert to Roman Catholicism or Eastern Orthodoxy is ending his blog.

I found his concluding thoughts to be profound. They reminded me of some of the things John Eldredge has said, and they rang true to my own experience as a recent convert to Eastern Orthodoxy.

Just finding what we believe to be The Church doesn't automatically heal all of our disappointments and heartbreaks. These just remind us that we have yet to reach our true home.

Namárië

27 June 2007

Dear friends,

The conviction has been growing upon my heart that it is time for me to cease blogging. This conviction firmly settled two weekends ago during my attendance at the "Orthodox Readings of Augustine" conference at Fordham. It was a most interesting and encouraging conference. It was refreshing to hear Orthodox scholars eschewing the anti-Catholic polemics and caricatures that have become typical within Orthodox discourse during the past fifty years.

In addition to the fine presentations, several people came up to me and introduced themselves as regular readers of Pontifications. Yet when I returned home, I knew that it was time for me to bring Pontifications to closure. As the preacher says, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven."

I began my blog as a way to work through, both intellectually and emotionally, the crisis of conscience caused by the election of Gene Robinson to the episcopate. I knew that I could no longer summon individuals into the communion of the Episcopal Church. What was I to do? I had been a priest for over 20 years. I knew that I could not join one of the multiple Anglican sects.

The fall of the Episcopal Church into heresy had convinced me that Protestantism was incapable of standing against the corrosive tides of modernity. There were only three options for me-Catholicism, Orthodoxy, or agnosticism.

After two years of deliberation, I found myself, much to my surprise, drawn into the communion of the Catholic Church. Becoming Catholic has brought many blessings, but it has not healed the sorrows of my heart. Indeed, in some ways it has intensified these sorrows. But this is all very private. All I need say is that I often find them overwhelming. God is silent. I am reduced to silence.

On the way home to the Shire, Gandalf sees the discomfort of Frodo:
"Are you in pain, Frodo?" "Well, yes I am," said Frodo. "It is my shoulder. The wound aches, and the memory of darkness is heavy on me. It was a year ago today." "Alas! There are some wounds that cannot be wholly cured," said Gandalf.

When compared to the devastating injuries-physical, emotional, and spiritual-that so many people in the world must endure, mine seem minor and trifling. Yet the burden is real.

Over the past few years God has stripped away the loves and passions of my heart. Even the words seem to be disappearing. Writing has become impossible-and prayer, difficult.

I said to my soul, be still, and let the dark come upon you which shall be the darkness of God. (T. S. Elliot)

I wish to thank all who have faithfully read Pontifications over the past three years.

I give you all joy.

Under the Mercy,

Fr. Alvin Kimmel

It is my prayer that whatever is causing Fr. Al's pain will be healed by time and the ministrations of the Holy Trinity.

Columba Silouan